Worries

Stagnant nights while striving forward. Encountered by all attempting to push the envelope of their potential, they are conquered by few, and become a lifestyle for others; an everlasting cycle of inactivity. Never until I wrote this piece, had I noticed the spiral of footsteps that went on for miles through the sands of time. Ironically, those who look from afar only see a masterpiece in progress, and will anxiously wait for the brushstrokes to reach a finish. Who am I to determine taste in arts? What responsibilities do I have entertain ever watchful eyes? I determine it all. I hold it all. Eventually, my legs will grow weak, although my mind has become stronger. I think its time to garner a more linear approach to mural everyone is watching. For my satisfaction. For my safety.

...be careful and know that u can not do all things or be all things to all people. -Ms. D

Writen 12/11/2010

A victim of my eyes, enamored in design

Adore the aesthetic but never felt I could create it

So I choose to sell it

Intellectual property to physical real estate

Can you call that creative?

Can you say that I made it if I ain't makin'

What I'm achin' to squeeze out in little Dayton?

Dammit its so evasive,

We steadily erasin', what could be the perfect sketch

But it'll never be complete so we just say its time wasted.

Give everything a facelift

We fear to be complacent

Silence and empty space---the "peace", I can't take it.

You love it, but I hate it, therefore I try to escape it,

But at night when I'm awake, I can hear it through the pages

Singing sorrowful songs that we'll replay for the ages

The night is so dead please,

Will somebody scream?

I feel so awake cause, everybody dreams

I get on my knees and, pray my soul to keep

Wishin' I could join you, in a simple night's sleep

Ms. Parker.

I could make this very difficult and lengthy in explanation, but for once, I'll choose not to. People inspire me all the time. From the way they look, to their emotional rollercoasters, I admire the muse created in the form of human nature.

Every now and then, there comes a figure that stands out from the rest. In this case, a woman whose desires are of her own necessity, with the ambition to zealously pursue them, and a physique that will seduce any force that may be obstructing her and the summit of her potential. Fine. Intelligent. Relevant. The modern days of time have been unsuccessful at penetrating her old soul and classic moral values, yet her thought process is of the most contemporary style. She is one in a million. Everyday might not be her best on the catwalk, but she brings avant garde presence to the most tattered garments. Fresh. Fashionable. Mannerable. She can have the softness of a southern belle, or the tenacity of a corporate executive, all depending on the type of day. Versatile. Powerful. WANTED.

Now, I just have to approach her...

8/19/2010 (1:52 PM)

There exists a beautiful being that doesn't know that I want her
My heart beats like feet to street whenever she dances around corners
Even her silence speaks to me...
Sugar is spice if she is sweet...
I've only come by her recently...
But I wish I had known her longer

Or better it be our time as short, giving me more minutes to listen
About her job as a culinary, subsidiary in Mama's kitchen
And how it prevails whenever compared to being paid for burger flippin
They get on her nerves,
But she never deters,
Cause she prefers focusing on the mission

Said she was savin, while she slavin, for a car
So she can drive to school and hopefully one day pass that bar
And I'll tell her I've never been one to care for society calls its laws,
And suggest she take my hand to gravitate gracefully toward the stars
And let those stars we travel to revolve around one day having a sun,
Who snickers and smiles across milky ways
With twinkling eyes that see better days

I say...
So much in clue, because when I see you...
I see the world,
That we built up from inception and rule over with you here as my girl
I know it sounds unreal, like red and blue pills in a hand unfurled
But reality could be tongue in cheek, if only I could speak...to you...

We could have conversations and laugh in elation, when you reveal, that you were feeling me too...

The gentleman will finally win, his leading lady. Maybe. Just maybe...

Inferno.

There are somethings in life that you just can't go into detail about. The intricacy of their nature and the complexity of the problems that they may cause, are just too grave to bring to the light.

The feelings of man act as one of our greatest assets...and one of our biggest flaws. Emotionally connecting with someone can last a lifetime. Even as we evolve as individuals, the feelings and sentiment that we share for certain people and experiences that have transpired in our lives, seem to outlast the forces around us. They can weigh on us for as long as we let them, but it always seems like the greatest feelings often carry the heaviest load. Somethings you just can not let go of, even if they burn through our hearts and cause incorrigible scars, the pleasant aspects makes it feel as if it/they were worth the pain. We act blindly with the very tool we use for judgment.

Making things known made your mind wander where it shouldn't be. Good moral fiber saved us from wretched decisions. Its been a long while since I penned this, and things have lifted off my conscience...but if I was anybody else...

inspired by wrongdoing.

Gettin those burdens off my heart was so stressful

But when I did that, it wasn't her I was next to

Do whatever I can to make it feel like God bless you,

Because it seems to me, you are a woman that's special

Excessive attention, honorable mentions

throughout the day for the contact that kept my world spinnin'

...it sounds good...

But it ain't right,

Expressing how much love is between us on late nights

Attempt to mask all of it with a friendly plight

But our little temptation is rapidly reaching fate's height...

The feeling of exposed skin ignites forbidden flames of passion

Nibbled lobes and soft moans don't seem to question what has happened

You dig your nails deeper into my back with every stroke

Lower lips spouting tears losing their will to cope...

The pain from such a coquettish rain leaves you estranged,

Satisfied, but unsettled that your world won't be the same...

Your eyes lower themselves into such a primal gaze

Hunger for an encore performance turns into primal rage

Breaking free from that picket fence that you once called a cage

Enter seduction like a harlot on the main stage

Your innermost secrets turned outcries

Subconscious visions undergo inception on the uprise

How does it feel to know that, to stop, we haven't tried,

and after this we have to live our lives like we haven't lied?

We DON'T entertain these thoughts cause ignorance is bliss,

And that warm smile of yours widens after every kiss

Heavy breaths of relief are the only things that leave our lips,

as we lay in disarray and I slowly caress your hips...

This runs through my mind every time you send me lines from those walls in which you are confined...

A happy home, that's not my own.

The Calm

Last summer, I experienced a lot of growth in the area of responsibility. I was coming from just being a member of two campus groups, to leading three campus organizations in a matter of months. Around this time in my life, I felt that I was capable of doing extraordinary things, and ended up simply doing the most. Instead of taking one opportunity and doing excellent things with it, I chose to spread my self thin and do all I could with whoever needed guidance. Foolishly abandoning all of what was real just to continue riding on a wave of optimism.

The people I worked with were some of my closest friends. The rule I was always made aware of when I was growing up was NEVER to mix business with personal life, but being involved in the org for so long, and having already been friends in HS with some of the guys...we had all grown kind of close. Needless to say, the business aspect of our connections began to affect our personal friendships. Some people didn't agree with decisions that were made. Some felt that we should have gone in a different direction with the way we communicated with the people. All of the feelings, however, went unheard. No one ever bothered to voice their opinions to the people that mattered. It was just a lot of talking behind the scenes. What they may not have known though, is that the entire time they were talking, I was listening to every word. Not only was I listening, I was trying hard to change things for the better. Still, the voices rang to other "human resources" about the issues that we had.

At the end of the day, I learned that people will talk about you, before they talk to you. Its the way of the world. I wrote this the summer BEFORE all of this happened. Who knew I could see the future?

Written July 17, 2009

As of right now, I gaze deep into space about my decisions
In awe of all of the acts aloof of my intuition
When I was young I was taught to just simply play my position
Try to takeover the team and you're subject to inquisition
"Why? How? When? Where?"
"Do...you...really...care?"
Spectators and onlookers like to test and question my choices,
But when its time to raise their voices, shit, they're never really there
Everybody's a critic
But they never wanna act out the parts they talk about, no they'd just rather sit back
Why choose the rear, when that's were you were initially placed
And you in the driver's seat could possibly become a fact?
In a world of those who won't, want to, and those who will,
The capabilities of man are seen through his every action
In a silent room, the first to speak, the truth they spill,
And you see if he for good will, or content with satisfaction
For betterment of my people I have a passion, but the next man's feeling isn't the same
I try my best to contribute advice and a good example
But my efforts circle me round to the start of an endless game
They say the utmost pleasure is the grandest trap
Greed is one of the deadliest, I can tell you that
You feed the mal-nutritioned a decent meal
And they don't take a damn bite before you start hearin' feedback
I still remain loyal to those there from day one,
Even though they act against me, their presence is still a blessin...
But they must recognize that responsibilities come along,
And with priority in my palms, loyalty realigns with lesson...
With the shift in interest, I can't help but think if I changed,
If I left my true self behind a couple years back in time,
Or I gained a whole new identity, but kept the same name.
But I look in the mirror and on the surface everything is fine.
So I live my life in lieu not knowing what could be next...
The spontaneity drives my heart and soul to improve
To myself and other I promise to give my all...
Some events may set me back, but always forward I will move.

A blind man may never see the moves he makes,
But takes heavy consideration in the steps that he takes,
So if all don't end well, the people behind me fail,
Just know my initial intentions were for us to be great.

Calmate.

Green Tea.

If temptation is a drug, then the human race is its vial. No matter how virtuous a man or woman is, there will forever exist a tick within us that wanes to do wrong. At a young age, we are told time and time again about the existence of the "right way" and the "wrong way" to do things...but they never tell us about the alternatives. The mistakes. The medians that make us human.

My mother always encouraged me to "stay focused, and never give in to what's luring you away from what you're supposed to be doing". Her simple wisdom taught me a lot, kept me motivated and away from outer distractions, but it couldn't keep me from the curiousity of my own mind. Combing the caves of our curiosities leads us to discoveries we probably should never make. The "What if"s and "I wonder"s become dangersous weapons as they can be either our best friend, or our worst enemy. With such a double edged sword, you would think I would have chosen my battles more carefully.

She was a real fragile girl. Hard on the outside. Inside however, you could tell how battered and bruised she had become as a result of being in and out of love. The saddest part was that she never was able to conceive what love was in the first place. Her physique was too old for her mentality, and man had taken advantage. I wanted to show her different. But the maturity of another silhouette triggered my youthful curiosity and, well...I became the most hurtful helping hand in history.

Written 7/13/2010.

I was some type of in love with her

I just wanted to lust you.

Plus you act so hard body,

I didn't think that I would touch you.

When I tried to give it to you,

You ain't know how to take it.

And you never gave me your heart,

So I ain't know how to break it.

But somehow, before my eyes, you lay in shards

Hardest diamond in the rough

With tears of a broken guard

Ashamed and alone, cuz nobody can feel yo pain

Yo' smile lights up the sky

Just to hold back all the rain

All I wanted was what I saw

Not what I had yet to feel,

But the warmth of adjacent bodies made the shit seem so real

Used to text me,

"Good morning child, don't let the world rush you"

Now its,

"Have a nice day! Oh yeah nigga, FUCK YOU"

...I still read em though...

Every damn day, cut me deep

Like getting slit in my wrists every morning, before I awoke from sleep

You became the star of my nightmares

Imagining what we might share,

Nights out on the town,

TV shows in our nightwear

I can lightweight still feel yo voice whisper in my right ear,

"Its kinda cold boy, go ahead, touch me right there"

...and its been light years...

Stubborn Flowers

In the ever changing world of the youth, hardly anything is permanent. Friends, ambitions, and feelings change within the blink of an eye. One false move. When something ever proves it has the potential to hold a significance in our lives, we grasp onto its presence, and never let go. Even if it hurts.

I had a conversation with an old friend yesterday who was experiencing such issues. Falling into a set of arms she was never meant to fall in...well, at least not on her watch. Girl loves boy...boy likes her. But Girl can't let go. And the more she holds onto him, the more she lets go of herself.

Things like this make me look at women in a different light. From the most intelligent and humble, to those who just bring beauty to the table, they all like to be fed. If you can nourish a woman's existence, no matter what the food, you prolong yours in her life. But its common knowledge that all food isn't good for you.

Budding, you are adorable.

Quaint.

Cocooned, your potential stirs amongst anxious eyes in anticipation of its unraveling.

A universal nourishment is how you quench your young roots; Unknowing that it is exactly how you will try and salvage them once they become old.

Days pass by, and your features begin to flourish.

Vibrant. Voluptuous.

Youth sheds away to reveal the prime.

Aromatic vibrations and visual sensations echo the acquisition of beauty to those who await its arrival.

Avidly, they approach.

Coy, you stare.

Impatient, they apprehend.

Innocent, you allow.

The shine with which you are praised, extracts vanity with each of its rays.

Adorned by the limelight, you abandon self nourishment captivated by the substitute provided.

However, it isn't the same as when you were a bud.

The first petal broken ceases to phase you.

Neither does the second.

You stand tall, yet you feel the inner wither of your structure.

But as time has forever told...a rose, will ALWAYS be a rose.

After the Storm...

Thoughts after great sex...that wasn't really good for me. Just being honest.

Dated Winter 2008

Its 5:30 AM, we watch the sunshine

I smile into her face...she smiles into mine

We lay here, seperate, but equal undercovers

And our conciousness got us thinking that it would be good if we intertwined

...Turned water into wine...

We've been on 3rd, but homeplate was servin dishes that our hunger couldn't find

It was always on my mind like Blulight

But held back on my babies like a chick with her tubes tight

...it only took one night...

For me to lose inhibition and possibly my tuition cause I wanted to feel right

See, my mind was in the wrong, not a place where is should be

Only emotion was elation, and temptation's where it took me...

Should we...could we...Maybe...Let's be

Right where we are, right now

A lustfully beautiful portrait, in silence, I love the sound

The covers and lethargy are the only things that shroud

Forbidden songs that we sing when nobody is around.

The First...

Creating the blog required me to go back and read my collection of works thoroughly. Not to pick the best ones, or create the perfect storyline; but, more so to relate my mind then with my mind now. Everything that had happened was so new to me, that I couldn't really react wisely. When I would write, I would always ask my self questions in and out the work...leaving a lot of voids to what I was trying to say.

One of the experiences I never really caught a grasp of was...well, my first. Keeping it honest. I couldn't explain how it happened, why I felt how I felt...if it was right, or if it was wrong. I just know that it felt great, lol. Looking back at it all, kinda got me thinking. Those thoughts with rapper TiRon's "For Your Smile" (off the MSTRD mixtape, which you MUST download) got me writing, and here you get a six page poem...written all in a couple of hours.

Current me, takes a look at the old me, and how us two became we...then back to square one...(I have one hell of a memory)

Dated June 6, 2010

Never realy was the type to spit game and slick talk...

I was always kinda timid

Got tired of seeing every girl rock the same damn velour suit...

But you put some class in it...

One of my boys had gotten down

I always tried to play it off

Had me feelin kinda mannish

Outside that 3rd class of Spanish

Let you know was looking good, suggested you give me a call

Of course it never happened...

But we ended up wrapping through some texts

Forever a little nigga, but through my words, I could flex, with the best

You could tell she kinda liked it

But never really did catch on

Sat in class daydreaming, how could I get this girl on my side

If only she could've told me I was doing it all wrong

And she sang God's songs,

Caught her after choir practice, she was active

Conversations were always real, but I often kept her laughin

Suddenly my phone rang, with her on the other end.

"Wat u doin?"

"Nothing much, just checkin up on my friend"

Talked each other ears off, sometimes it was hard to listen

A small while w/o words made me wanna pay you a visit

On some tailor-made shit, still thank Rod and C-Rich,

Cause if it wasn't for Y'ALL, I would've never got that kiss

Long hair and wide-eyed

Kinda caught her by surprise,

Smiles added to her hellos

And reservations in snack lines

Didn't wanna be single filed

Held hands in romance

Shared taps after laughs of her exchanging rubberbands

Phuckin' braces

Good times got greater given the chance to collab'

Up in English Lit class, Barker had us watching Crash

Ours didn't involve no cars, cause we'd seen that in the past

Setup something intended with the premonition to smash

She arrived, we went to work, dropped the pencils, wasted no time

Almost did the damn thing in the daytime

Didn't even choke in the clutch, I was about mine

It was all fine and dandy, til that front door chimed

Laughin, had to act fast before I got busted

...Let's just say that my little brother could be well trusted

Time passed, we started gettin into some other shit

I hated politics, but damn, I loved Gov't, lol

I'm sayin!

After school escapades could've lasted forever

Prom night rolled around, we didn't go together

Looking back, now it was all kinda weird,

Had one, then went with another nigga, who happened to be...whatever

At 17, jealousy caught the best of me,

I wish that common sense would've came and rescued me

Should have trusted you, but even more so, TRUSTED HIM

That was my nigga, my right hand that kept the lowest brim

As real as they came, for some reason, I suspected betrayal,

G could've been telling the truth, or she could've been telling a fable

Extra jaded, I couldn't bear to shake hands, hug, text, give a call, look, let alone sit at the same table...

With the two I called my closest...

Looking back on the actions taken, it was some ho shit...

Judgment duped by a couple of words spoken

Conference call soon happened, and we made it all cool

Keiana kept my head swiveled, so I wanna thank her too...

Went through too many phases,

Senior Dinner to Graduation

June 2nd was the deadline

We all got impatient...

Switched the tassles, summer started, then it really hit:

I was headed to the Wright, you was going to Kent...

Searched for counsel in my right, and asked him some questions,

But the best he could do was give me suggestions...

That left me stressin

Did whatever I had to do just to keep up

Even caught the RTA just to reach ya

Can't fit in all our times in between these lines

Just remember you reaching Cloud 9 four times

Shit was all good anticipation had evened out

Until you hit me on my cell, told me you were leaving out

I bid you adieu, waited for your return to the South

September came around, but you never did

Phone calls and texts that just swore that you didn't forget

What was I really to expect, it was a different world

Full of different people, and you became a different girl

I was the same me, and that seemed to be the issue

Not out exploring and whoring, I'd much rather miss you...

Knew that was a mistake, tryna hold on

To something I couldn't see and barely heard

Just knew it was gone

Then I got that text from Rod 6 days in

Of my journey w/ 3 others to be Sigma Men

3 pages in length, but in summary, you had switched sides

Long nights after set, I just wondered why

Was it really my fault?

What did I even do?

Was it better having someone there that could lay next you?

Frequently, I had tried to see the lighter side

But that gets hard when a darkening heart is on the rise...

You see...

People are left perplexed, and the shit really does bother me

That we're never given warning before cardiac robbery

Its like...

Love leads a life loose from what we believe

One minute we're optimistic, the next, its true form can't be achieved

I toss the idea around in my head often,

If you said it left it up to me, I would say I was cursed...

Sometimes I'll enjoy the moments, some I will live to forget...

But I'ma always remember, my first...

Senior Signoff Pt 2

The next episode in my "sayonara" to secondary school came at a time where those closest to me were experiencing a surge in emotional growth. A constant ebb and flow of feelings for significant others, kept them from floating towards each other. Someone always had something to say about everything they did. He, was just a boy thinking with both heads, allowing temptation to take its course on a heart of good will. She, was just a girl, trying to let go of her not so distant past; regretful of the fact that she grew up way too fast. He wanted to give her a reason not to regret...but she let the "he say, she say" drown him out.

Observing all of this, I was coming into my own with writing. Being able to relate with all of the life that was going on all around me, made it much easier to transcribe. I began to make understanding with the love, hate, and confusion that all came apart of with those teenage years. Which kinda explains why I had less of a role in this episode. I analyzed way more than I acted. I was far behind my peers in the initiation of curiosity, but in one short year, I did a hell of a lot of catching up.

But, I've said too much.

Dated May 16, 2007

This is part 2, from me 2 U…Animosity Reigns Supreme…Thanks to Willie da Kid’s Invisible Rules freestyle for the soundtrack…that song speaks, so do I…

The first time around we separated the real from the fakers
Sadly I gotta tell myself and others, WE LET SPRING BREAK US!!
Glitter failed to turn to gold, couple’s hearts turned cold Dry Ice, stayed in the freezer, didn’t bother melt or mold
Close friends turned into “we who must not be named”
He or she said what? Told y’all to stop playing them games!
Let the words change y’all but they never change me
Listeners, let the stanzas explain, (clear throat) you see:

I arrived to AcapulcHome, playin Madden and liftin weights
Packed 10 points in three quarters, eatin too many steaks
Lost it all, but I digress, thinking too much brought me stress
Past memories turned into words, nothing more, nothing less
On my part, P’s Guiding Light helps me see through the dark
Express the feelings with inky pistols, never gotta hide my heart
But that particular magic that helped me see so much
Also sparked others to, grab out, reach, and touch
Bic’s new Virginia Tech locked in the dresser drawer
No feelings spared or tempers flared, we became iron ore:
Strong. I appreciate the comments, thanks very much
I made a diva shed a tear, nigga that what’s up
More accomplished writers who were stuck behind its block
Resurrected from dark caves, removed the Plymouth Rock
Nostalgia reigned as the theme of the mind and the heart
But arrows of creative emotion were seen as envious darts

“Why take shots at me when I’m shootin’ rounds with you!!!”
Never let an individual’s feelings just empty out and hit ooh---
That was all we heard before the brief war of words, horrible timin’
Comments from the heart and on art destroyed peace’s hymen
Shields of emotion soon began to break
And then mere expression became the big debate
Those hurt thought the initial purpose was trying to teach
She merely exercised First Amend, the freedom to preach
Which one, doesn’t matter, both birds of a feather
Found RARE common ground on which they could stand together
The piece of land was rather tattered, really didn’t matter much
Hands were briefly held together; rid themselves of a mess, and such
Action came at the price of one’s particular ridicule
She mainly kept lukewarm, never really reached cool
Never permitted them to take her L, even though she failed to prevail
As long as she remained high on the shelf of one she can never bail
She shouldn’t regret her position, yet decision not to remains flawed
Meanwhile, as days passed all the ice dissolved and thawed
Paths continue to cross, yet all that speaks is intense glare
Never confront, act as usual, and pretend friendship’s there…

To escape from the absence of com sense, I sleep; try to get my Z-Z-Z-Z-Zs
Abstract dreams get replace with thoughts of B-B-B-B-B
Butcher, ain’t even make her pay, she stole slices of the heart
The best piece of the puzzle, like a walk in the park
Thought she could just take it, and keep on her way
Little did she know, I stopped by the shop that day
Prime cuts of connection and affection, if you will
Wasn’t concerned with the price, it was all worth the bill
Express Ya, Express Ya, Undress the Express Ya
Reluctant to worry, I’ma takes it straight home like Dev Hester
But as the sands of the hourglass diminish with time
I learn that she’ll never B—I can’t finish the line
Won’t address it furthermore, noses try to decipher
Our heat keep us away from y’all cold, she threw away the de-icer

Hey Look! Mr. Lonely, a.k.a. Not So Incognito
Returns in the sequel as “THE ABRASIVE NEGRO!”
After a brief hiatus, he’s back again!
To NikeTalk ‘bout those he needs, and disgrace the men
The two beautiful poets that preceded these lines
Tap-danced on his brain, circa Gregory Hines
He couldn’t handle the pressure, he had lost his clout
Boosied to his often used last resort, Bitch Out!
Cowardice ran amuck when he failed to make amends
Down and out he took shits on some female friends
His regrets struck the innocent like a knife through the heart
When the love lost pain could only be counted on his part
Meanwhile, as he lashes out, his own bond begins to suffer
They battle with each other, Ready to Rumble like Michael Buffer
Verbal abuse slaughters her fragile sculpture
She feels alone in life’s desert, circled by Hate’s vulture
It closes in to peck at her dignity, slow but sure
Until a soldier of fortune attempts to preserve the pure
The king of dynasties, 40/40s and such
Attempted to rule over a kingdom which proved to be too much
Express Ya, Express Ya, Undress the Express Ya
Relieve her of his garments; she’s reluctant to let ya
They were once two, now one plus the other
Many questions remain unanswered, we must ask Mother…

The king abdicated the throne he could never call home
He remained homeless, couldn’t return to his own
You see he left a twister, whirlwind of emotions
Lost sweet number nine, also known as Love Potion
From Lavish Love now Vindictive Vendetta
From living Lavish again to the Tumultuous Twentieth Letter
A kingdom of Black Boys and Black Girls lost
Fueled off of Feelings, we remain absent of Thought
Gloomy we don’t head towards Magic City
We settle for the bullshit at Club Pain and Pity
When Time gets the strippin’, all we have left is the naked Truth
Stretch marks will tell all if we look through the glass booth
Tits startin’ to sag, she tired of shit
Still we can’t reach bliss, so she covers the other lips
Pressure rapidly overrides our mainframe
Lost too many 1UPs playin the same game
Dropped all the Power Pellets, weak we can no longer host
How we supposed to win when they got us fightin ghosts…

Getting Away...

I used to love my city. Everything in it, and everything around it had yet to explored by my young eyes. I remember catching bus 24 from Hollencamp and Seeley by Residence Park where I resided, and being awestruck by the daily occurrences of people I had never seen. Although my mother held me close, she couldn't restrict my mind from its imagination. Catching X5 out to the mall brought even more surprises. Several characters crossed my eyes ranging from the one-eyed alcoholic prophet (who SWORE he kicked it with Jesus), to the adolescent girl who grew up way too fast; their youthful faces not very far developed from their child's portrait.

However, as I got older, the city of Dayton, OH had lost its innocence. I never really saw the appealing cycles of life I did in my youth, more than I did see rundown buildings, loss of commerce and populace, kids w/o focus, and things of that nature. It hurt me. And I didn't want to see it anymore.

Going to college, I felt, would give me some type of distance from the raucous I experienced back in the city. New people, new environment, and an actual chance that I could make it out. Needless to say, somethings never change. This unfinished piece was written (moreso scratched) when I came home from a visit to my mother's.

Dated 12/17/2009

Its a shame when things all fall down

Even more we can't see it because nobody is around

In search of something different, its "heroes" all left town

And in their rearview mirrors, watched it burn to the ground

Every other weekend I travel to a desolate zone

A barren piece of land that I'm forced to call home

Dayton, OH a place I used to love to call my own

Has changed, a lot, now that I have grown and moved on

To the next steps that I hope lead me out

Of an immature decay we often talk about

But Wright State is a damn mirror image of my community

They got frats on Gettysburg,

but with guns they pledge immunity

A hoe gon be a hoe

And in both worlds, they are the same

Alcohol and a fat wallet means they ain't gotta know yo name

And even the best of women, think the WORST niggas done changed

Silly rabbits, I see em trick, and comfortably feel estranged

And at the same time, simultaneously, feel like they kin,

Or a least someone that's keen...cuz those same people are my friends...

The Senior Signoff Series...

On some real, 2006-2007 had to be the craziest year of all time. I was coming off of a summer where some domestic disturbances my mother had been going through reached their peaks, and the kids had to fight back...I regret things had to end that way, but to continue would've been wrong for the both of em. And you NEVER touch my mother. My sister had just revealed to us that she was givin the boot to college for the moment, which had me both awestruck and in fear of just how hard college was going to be. I was trying to determine how I was going to pay for college, cuz I really didn't wanna go to Wright State...I actually devised a plan as to how I was going to run off to Michigan (which included me being homeless for 3 months). Conversing with some females I wasn't EVEN supposed to, lol. And then, there was my very last year of high school, which I didn't know was going to hold so many surprises for a nigga, lol.

Part 1 brings you to the land of promiscuity. Me and my boys was always into SOMETHIN, lol. But never did we let it come between us until then. He was trying to get on with her....but then she had already been with him...and talked to him and him. I had always steered clear of the trouble...until that shit came lookin for me. And with everything that was goin down, in my home...the new experience actually a breath of fresh air. I took every breath I could.

Dated April 7, 2007

Senior Signoff Part 1

Good evening bitches. Nah, jus playin. Its saturday evening, I got fresh force ones that came out today, meaning I need to get something off my chest. Whenever I shop, I feel troubled. Anyway read up bitches. Pt.2 Coming soon.

August 2006 begat the day of reckoning

As the class of 07 arrived, thirsty and beckoning

All the hard work meshed with all the skipped class

Gentle kisses and hugs clashed with grabbed ass

We struggled to mature in these years past

Forgive and forget fam, Emerge victorious at last

Became the main mindset of youth in transition

With our engines tuned up, we struggled for pole position

Me and my squad thought we had a whole gameplan

It only took a new york minute for shit to all change man

Squad comprised of Fairview Boys II Men, a.k.a Dream Team

More schools came in and made us more than what we seemed

An academic mag, you’ll think teachers was stockbrokers

Shit, we had afrocentrics and chainsmokers that told us

Our last days of youth would start that fall

Rapidly, we began receiving the real world’s call

College and scholarships yelled "YALL NEED TO CHASE CREAM!!"

Foolish we responded, "NOT YET, WE CHASE DREAMS!!"

As I tried to follow Option A I was faced with challenges of

Underacheivement, Friendship, and that bitch we call Love

I was greeted by “her majesty” first, this was before the fact

My claustrophobic mind had an asthma attack

You see, summer love took its toll on the young and the old

People thought it was forgotten, believin’ they'd shine gold

I thought of those as deluded, I could never be them

Until my stellar focus began to grow dim

Prior to this, these things, I’ve been reluctant to tell

But we’ve made it all the way here, so fuck it, ah well

Young and Restless, I was blinded by the Bold and the Beautiful

I abandoned my Guiding Light, got trapped in a cubicle

All of the walls surrounding me were painted pink and red

Five words, forewarning: trust, lust, and sex ahead

Here comes the gist of it, but with all respect

If I do get something wrong, would you please correct

I was feelin her, at first she wasn’t feelin me

Until I got almost her every move down to a T

Got tired of watchin it get mistreated, from the sidelines

Put my jersey and Air Ones on, it was my time

But, as I learned to take action someone had been teachin thee,

The true and glaring difference between a bitch and B

Cordial greetings turned into meetings and convo

I thought she was kinda fast, but she wanted move slow

Shit, thought I was movin’ up, little did I know

My invitation to the top would receive a HELL NO! (see C-Rich)

The second and fourth letters grew close as L-20 grew faint

I was fresh until I sat on Jealousy’s wet paint

I regret the forget, yet I must move on

To a period where many true colors began to dawn

You see, me and my friends were soldiers of legion

That was until a few of us came under fire for treason

As tight as we were I thought nothin could phase us

Then we let stupid cupid’s bullets just graze us! Good gracious!

Bulls took shits all over our parade

Chi-town’s waste made us taste life’s sour lemonade

I already knew he wrote some writings on her walls

But when I got spray cans I heard he was askin for recalls-pause-

People who are “everywhere, u aint never there”

Told me about events and I could do nothing but stare

Fam Fam had been trying to get a L for a minute

So it hurt many to hear he LL’d, rocked the bells and was in it

Subtle confrontations made loose lips sink ships

Took Jeez, Hov, Banks, and Lyfe on some brief set trips

We failed to keep our composure, wake up and smell Folgers

We got duped, letting envy and jealouy hold us

Down, to the ground, before we all got buck

Together we pushed em back, screamin, “WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK!”

The dumb dangerous duo thought they turned us out

Only good from it was a hilarious Turnabout! (Y’ALL STUPID!!!!!)

Yeah we still associate, but ain’t SHIT the same

Damn. At least some friendship remains…

After getting knocked down twice, I realized something

There are more important goals, distractions mean nothing

I let myself stray away from my growing prominence

Now I must return to regain my dominance

Yeah, I didn’t get into Harvard and Illinois, hurt my pride a bit

But rest assure I’m goin to college, and I AIN’T PAYING 4 $HIT!

The salutorian must fall back now, um, my head is spherical

Wish me luck on April 28, “The Senior Prom Miracle”

Part 2 will follow soon...

This is actually happening...

Greetings.

My name is Devon, and I am whatever I put my mind to. A 20 year old college student, who some say is wise beyond my years. I just say that I've seen, done, and felt a lot. This blog is merely an arena for me to place my works of poetry that I've been writing for since 2006/7. I had always wanted to document the craziness that was my everyday life...especially in high school...but I used to feel like if it weren't in a form of music it wouldn't be appreciated.

One day though, things reached a point where I didn't know how to deal with all the shit I was in the middle of, and I wrote everything that was on my mind at the time. And I haven't stopped since.

Earlier on, it was more of the gossip files: people I knew, the things that happened, and the reprocussions that followed ignorance regarded as bliss. The more recent works however...are a bit more introspective. Moments in time that caught my mind...and continue to influence me til this day.

But I have said too much.

Read, critique and enjoy.