The Calm

Last summer, I experienced a lot of growth in the area of responsibility. I was coming from just being a member of two campus groups, to leading three campus organizations in a matter of months. Around this time in my life, I felt that I was capable of doing extraordinary things, and ended up simply doing the most. Instead of taking one opportunity and doing excellent things with it, I chose to spread my self thin and do all I could with whoever needed guidance. Foolishly abandoning all of what was real just to continue riding on a wave of optimism.

The people I worked with were some of my closest friends. The rule I was always made aware of when I was growing up was NEVER to mix business with personal life, but being involved in the org for so long, and having already been friends in HS with some of the guys...we had all grown kind of close. Needless to say, the business aspect of our connections began to affect our personal friendships. Some people didn't agree with decisions that were made. Some felt that we should have gone in a different direction with the way we communicated with the people. All of the feelings, however, went unheard. No one ever bothered to voice their opinions to the people that mattered. It was just a lot of talking behind the scenes. What they may not have known though, is that the entire time they were talking, I was listening to every word. Not only was I listening, I was trying hard to change things for the better. Still, the voices rang to other "human resources" about the issues that we had.

At the end of the day, I learned that people will talk about you, before they talk to you. Its the way of the world. I wrote this the summer BEFORE all of this happened. Who knew I could see the future?

Written July 17, 2009

As of right now, I gaze deep into space about my decisions
In awe of all of the acts aloof of my intuition
When I was young I was taught to just simply play my position
Try to takeover the team and you're subject to inquisition
"Why? How? When? Where?"
"Do...you...really...care?"
Spectators and onlookers like to test and question my choices,
But when its time to raise their voices, shit, they're never really there
Everybody's a critic
But they never wanna act out the parts they talk about, no they'd just rather sit back
Why choose the rear, when that's were you were initially placed
And you in the driver's seat could possibly become a fact?
In a world of those who won't, want to, and those who will,
The capabilities of man are seen through his every action
In a silent room, the first to speak, the truth they spill,
And you see if he for good will, or content with satisfaction
For betterment of my people I have a passion, but the next man's feeling isn't the same
I try my best to contribute advice and a good example
But my efforts circle me round to the start of an endless game
They say the utmost pleasure is the grandest trap
Greed is one of the deadliest, I can tell you that
You feed the mal-nutritioned a decent meal
And they don't take a damn bite before you start hearin' feedback
I still remain loyal to those there from day one,
Even though they act against me, their presence is still a blessin...
But they must recognize that responsibilities come along,
And with priority in my palms, loyalty realigns with lesson...
With the shift in interest, I can't help but think if I changed,
If I left my true self behind a couple years back in time,
Or I gained a whole new identity, but kept the same name.
But I look in the mirror and on the surface everything is fine.
So I live my life in lieu not knowing what could be next...
The spontaneity drives my heart and soul to improve
To myself and other I promise to give my all...
Some events may set me back, but always forward I will move.

A blind man may never see the moves he makes,
But takes heavy consideration in the steps that he takes,
So if all don't end well, the people behind me fail,
Just know my initial intentions were for us to be great.

Calmate.