One of the experiences I never really caught a grasp of was...well, my first. Keeping it honest. I couldn't explain how it happened, why I felt how I felt...if it was right, or if it was wrong. I just know that it felt great, lol. Looking back at it all, kinda got me thinking. Those thoughts with rapper TiRon's "For Your Smile" (off the MSTRD mixtape, which you MUST download) got me writing, and here you get a six page poem...written all in a couple of hours.
Current me, takes a look at the old me, and how us two became we...then back to square one...(I have one hell of a memory)
Dated June 6, 2010
Never realy was the type to spit game and slick talk...
I was always kinda timid
Got tired of seeing every girl rock the same damn velour suit...
But you put some class in it...
One of my boys had gotten down
I always tried to play it off
Had me feelin kinda mannish
Outside that 3rd class of Spanish
Let you know was looking good, suggested you give me a call
Of course it never happened...
But we ended up wrapping through some texts
Forever a little nigga, but through my words, I could flex, with the best
You could tell she kinda liked it
But never really did catch on
Sat in class daydreaming, how could I get this girl on my side
If only she could've told me I was doing it all wrong
And she sang God's songs,
Caught her after choir practice, she was active
Conversations were always real, but I often kept her laughin
Suddenly my phone rang, with her on the other end.
"Wat u doin?"
"Nothing much, just checkin up on my friend"
Talked each other ears off, sometimes it was hard to listen
A small while w/o words made me wanna pay you a visit
On some tailor-made shit, still thank Rod and C-Rich,
Cause if it wasn't for Y'ALL, I would've never got that kiss
Long hair and wide-eyed
Kinda caught her by surprise,
Smiles added to her hellos
And reservations in snack lines
Didn't wanna be single filed
Held hands in romance
Shared taps after laughs of her exchanging rubberbands
Phuckin' braces
Good times got greater given the chance to collab'
Up in English Lit class, Barker had us watching Crash
Ours didn't involve no cars, cause we'd seen that in the past
Setup something intended with the premonition to smash
She arrived, we went to work, dropped the pencils, wasted no time
Almost did the damn thing in the daytime
Didn't even choke in the clutch, I was about mine
It was all fine and dandy, til that front door chimed
Laughin, had to act fast before I got busted
...Let's just say that my little brother could be well trusted
Time passed, we started gettin into some other shit
I hated politics, but damn, I loved Gov't, lol
I'm sayin!
After school escapades could've lasted forever
Prom night rolled around, we didn't go together
Looking back, now it was all kinda weird,
Had one, then went with another nigga, who happened to be...whatever
At 17, jealousy caught the best of me,
I wish that common sense would've came and rescued me
Should have trusted you, but even more so, TRUSTED HIM
That was my nigga, my right hand that kept the lowest brim
As real as they came, for some reason, I suspected betrayal,
G could've been telling the truth, or she could've been telling a fable
Extra jaded, I couldn't bear to shake hands, hug, text, give a call, look, let alone sit at the same table...
With the two I called my closest...
Looking back on the actions taken, it was some ho shit...
Judgment duped by a couple of words spoken
Conference call soon happened, and we made it all cool
Keiana kept my head swiveled, so I wanna thank her too...
Went through too many phases,
Senior Dinner to Graduation
June 2nd was the deadline
We all got impatient...
Switched the tassles, summer started, then it really hit:
I was headed to the Wright, you was going to Kent...
Searched for counsel in my right, and asked him some questions,
But the best he could do was give me suggestions...
That left me stressin
Did whatever I had to do just to keep up
Even caught the RTA just to reach ya
Can't fit in all our times in between these lines
Just remember you reaching Cloud 9 four times
Shit was all good anticipation had evened out
Until you hit me on my cell, told me you were leaving out
I bid you adieu, waited for your return to the South
September came around, but you never did
Phone calls and texts that just swore that you didn't forget
What was I really to expect, it was a different world
Full of different people, and you became a different girl
I was the same me, and that seemed to be the issue
Not out exploring and whoring, I'd much rather miss you...
Knew that was a mistake, tryna hold on
To something I couldn't see and barely heard
Just knew it was gone
Then I got that text from Rod 6 days in
Of my journey w/ 3 others to be Sigma Men
3 pages in length, but in summary, you had switched sides
Long nights after set, I just wondered why
Was it really my fault?
What did I even do?
Was it better having someone there that could lay next you?
Frequently, I had tried to see the lighter side
But that gets hard when a darkening heart is on the rise...
You see...
People are left perplexed, and the shit really does bother me
That we're never given warning before cardiac robbery
Its like...
Love leads a life loose from what we believe
One minute we're optimistic, the next, its true form can't be achieved
I toss the idea around in my head often,
If you said it left it up to me, I would say I was cursed...
Sometimes I'll enjoy the moments, some I will live to forget...
But I'ma always remember, my first...
Mna that was deep...I liked it tho
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